FASHION! FASHION! AND THE IMAGE BOYS -- Over Before It Ever Began

Florida's Dying -- Orlando (2007)

Sleazy G -- vocals
Reacharound Robbie -- bass
Tracy Blades -- drums
DJ Dialtone -- guitar, vocals, theremin (!)

The Hit
Shopping in America
She
Last Good Brawl of Summer

The cover sold me on this, but the music would have also. Four solid songs of quick throwaway punk rock with tight no-nonsense guitar and intense, no-range screaming vocals framing respectable rants about consumerism, groovy femmes, fist fighting and the final days of rock-n-roll. It sort of has a Humpers/Candy Snatchers/New Bomb Turks feel to it, if that's any help.

I don't have any complaints about this record. Oh yeah, the 'Last Good Brawl' song has a gratuitous theremin solo in it. Is that a complaint?

THE FRONT – Aluminum Room / Poor People 7”

Foam Records – Miami (1982)

(Presumably)

Greg McLaughlin

Larry Hill

Steve Myers

Randy Rush

Flynn Picardal

Ackk!!! What happened? A severe 1-year decline from their great first single. Aluminum Room is dull new wave with no edge to it at all – and it sucks. Poor People may be worse. Being un-PC over quirky punk (Immigration Report) is one thing, extending said un-PC-ness over faux ska is another altogether. The band looks truly demented on the back cover photos – a minor plus.

FUTURISK – Player Piano 7”EP

Clark Humphrey Records – Deerfield Beach (1982)

Poison Ivy

Meteoright

Push Me Pull You (Part two)

Lonely Streets

Split Second

Richard Hess – Synthesizer

Jack Howard – Drums & Synthdrums

E. Jeremy Kolosine – vocals & synthesizers

Somewhat of a letdown after their first single. Not terrible – just not especially good. A slightly more commercial new wave sound crept in and the interesting or creepy bits are equally matched with dull and fruity moments. I suppose the vocals annoy me the most - I'm ok with the synths. One must remember that in 1982 bands like this were really blazing new paths in music. Sometimes they just took a wrong turn. Push Me Pull You (Pt 2) is probably the best song here, due in part to its instrumental nature.

THE FRONT – First Strike 7”EP

Foam Records – Miami (1981)

Immigration Report

It’s Over

Teen Idol

Greg McLaughlin

Larry Hill

Steve Myers

Randy Rush

Flynn Picardal

Excellent Devo-inspired single from these Miami rock-guy weirdos. Immigration Report features some rather un-PC lyric concerning Miami’s newest residents following a cool guitar buildup. It’s Over is the most Devo or no-wavy song on the record and almost as good as the A side. 1:19 of perfection. (I don’t wanna be a) Teen Idol (forever) is closer to new wave, but still a decent song. Another 7” followed. I believe these guys have reappeared in some form in the last year or two.

F – Mess You Up 7” EP

SuperSeven Records – West Palm Beach (1988)

John Galt – vocals

US Ken Decter – guitar

Eddie Nothing – bass

Pete Moss – drums

Shoot It Down

My Girl Has Balls

Clock Strikes Ten

Crack His Skull

White Xmas

These wacky bastards searched high & low for the worst label they could find and found it in the Mystic Family of labels. The record has logos on it for Mystic Records, SuperSeven Records, Thrash Records, Doug Moody Productions, Bootleg Records and Ghetto-Way Records. Kind of like a punk rock General Motors. Shoot It Down is F’s best song that’s not on You’re an EP – great big rock guitars and the way Mr. Galt sings “he’d like to do something right one day, but he won’t….he just can’t” is perfect. Given their reputation as pranksters, I will assume that My Girl has Balls is a work of fiction. Clock Strikes Ten is somewhat sped up and very well executed, but not different enough from Cheap Trick’s original version to be completely necessary. Crack His Skull means well, but doesn’t rise to A-list F. White X-mas is pretty fukkin cool, from the Tiny Tim intro (real Tiny Tim? – I dunno), to the fairly standard punk rock treatment of the carol (strangely also covered by Stevie Stilleto) to the unexpected petal steel guitar and electric guitar solos at the end – it works! And they remember to leave Christ out of X-mas! The true spirit of Florida punk rock, for better or worse, all rolled into one record.

FLOOR – Loanin /Figbender 7”

Dirge Records – Hialeah (1994)

Steve Brooks

Anthony Vialon

Clint Sutton – drums

Swans crossed with heavy metal – What’s not to like? Future records were not quite as harsh. The bass just kills everything. I would also recommend for pest control purposes at high volumes. Might not rid your home of two legged pests as fast as the Swans though. They lack the supreme pretentiousness of that band. Cover’s awesome – if I was that kid, I’d run – but they stole it from somewhere else. Also printed with biodegradable paper and ink.

FEEBLES – To Clone a Mammoth / Marilyn 7”

No Label – Miami (1995)

Jimmy the Brain (?) – vocals, guitar

Tim Vaughn (?)– drums

Some other dude - bass

It’s unclear if the band’s name is a tribute to the Peter Jackson movie “Meet the Feebles” or the real life abilities of certain members of the band. My rapidly degenerating memory tells me that this band included Jimmy the Brain Sevigny (brother of actress Chloe Sevigny and leader of the Human Oddities, I am told) and Tim Vaughn (KLS). I could be wrong. They sound reminiscent of said Human Oddities. Songs are fast quirky punk concerning cloning of a wooly mammoth and an undying love for the brain and ass of Marilyn Vos Savant (the world’s smartest person – thanks Wikipedia). I'll put it in the plus column.

F-BOYZ – Sinnin’ Like Mad EP

Destroy – Pembroke Pines (1988)

Psycho ‘88

Don’t Fuck Me Up

Satellite Kitchen

Bus of Doom

Sexist and Proud

Matty Luv – guitar

Seaweed – vocals

Scotty – bass

Gorgeous George – drums

Best South Florida punk band of the late 80’s right before they said “fuck it”, became the Fuckboyz and eventually scurried out of town. A real breath of fresh air after hardcore had run its course (and yes – it ran its course!) Recorded with finesse by Mr. Hal Specter. All five songs are excellent and most primarily concern extreme loutish behavior. Psycho ‘88 contains one distinct phrase describing bad behavior every 7 1/2 seconds (including eating green eggs and ham)– it’s quite an accomplishment. Don’t Fuck Me Up shows the Boyz’ sensitive side – and is great poppy-punk. Satellite Kitchen is more poppy punk – this one about loafing and doing nothing important in the future (sci-fi indolence). Bus of Doom concerns a city bus that shuttles its passengers to hell (the deli of despair) rather than the mall. On Sexist and Proud, the F-Boyz apparently offend even themselves as it doesn’t appear on their retrospective cd. Then again the target audience for the sentiments voiced here is kind of limited in San Francisco, where they relocated – for example – “I like the way things used to be – I don’t care about equality”. There might even be a city ordinance against it.

FUTURISK – Army Now / What We Have to Have 7”

Clark Humphrey Records – Deerfield Beach (1980)

Jack Howard – drums
Jeremy Kolosine – vocals, synthetic guitars, mandolin
Frank Lardino – synthesizers
Jeff Marcus – did not play bass

Easily the best FLA synth record of the era – at least in part because they picked the right influences – Devo, Gary Numan and not fruitcakes like Howard Jones or whatever that their Tampa brethren looked up to. Both songs are well-crafted, memorable and futuristic as all hell. There’s at least two different covers for this record -this one being the coolest – also has a cool-as-shit nighttime band photo – making these guys look threatening – which they probably weren’t in real life. They made one more 7” and then became so minimalist that they disappeared.

F -- Four From '84 7" EP

BURRITO RECORDS -- Fort Lauderdale (1984, 2007)

I Saw Your Vision

No

Such Men Are Dangerous

Spit It Out

Flash -- voice

Michael Ellis -- bass

Elmo Rapscallion-- guitar

Pete Moss -- drums

This is an interesting and deceptive artifact. Looking at it, you might think this is an early demo of the songs that ended up on "You Are an E.P." After all, "Four From '84" shares three songs from that record. The sound -- slower, thinner and with an arguably better but unarguably more theatrical singer -- sounds like a bedroom version of what ended up being recorded in the studio.

But no sir. This was recorded in the same studio months after 1983's hardcore "You Are an E.P." record by the former (and founding) singer of F who had quit F, refusing to participate in the "You Are an E.P." record due to personal and artistic differences. Well, 'artistic' is a stretch, but you know what I mean. He wanted the music to sound like this disk.

Interestingly, there is zero overlap in band members between these two records, unless Elmo is really Mike "Ravenous Gangrene" Hasson, which is possible. However, Pete Moss played in the hardcore version of this band live and on other recordings and I understand Flash continues to play as F -- with a constantly changing lineup of bandmates -- as of 2009. He started the band and he is finishing it, as the hardcore F has long left the scene.

All four songs are good. A version of the fourth song, "I Saw Your Vision" appeared on the Open Records "Land That Time Forgot" comp in 1982.

FROG -- Untitled 7"

Self-released -- Gainesville (1992?)

There are no song titles on this record because there are no songs, and no personnel listed because there are no personnel. It is just Frog with his scraping, squeals and hisses. I don't know how he made these mostly unrecognizable noises, I guess it something you learn how to do at UF's art school. Forget I mentioned it.

FAILURE FACE -- All Pain No Gain

Ebullition -- Tampa (1995)

Darwin

All Pain No Gain

I Won

Get to Know Me!

Crapshoot

Soulless

Brian Roberts - guitar

Kevin Shanahan - bass

Bob Suren - vocals

Rob Sexton - drums

Bob Suren, proprietor of the long-running Brandon record store Sound Idea and the big enchilada at Burrito Records, appears to be a level-headed, sober and quiet individual but nearly every band he plays in or produces (and that's quite a few) are bitter and brutal. This is the third 7" release from his own band and it fits the pattern.

Lyrically and even musically this reminds me of Henry Rollins of the Lifetime era, in that the songs are clever, tight, and focused on bottled rage and self-loathing.

F, THE BAND FORMERLY KNOWN AS THE JOHN BIRCH SOCIETY

Turd Records -- Gainesville (1995)

Die You Stupid Hippies
I Want to Kill You
Turn Off Your Radio
Hatred Through Beer

Bob B.Q. Chicken - vocals
Ivan Absurdio -- guitar, vocals
Kevin Regan -- guitar
Tim Leigh -- bass
Vic Random -- drums

This band is on my short list of favorite Florida bands ever. F,TBFKATJBS (yes, this is the official acronym) grew out of the Doldrums and the Jeffersons, with Bob Chicken (former Generic Death and Fonzie's Nephews) up front.

The songs on this record capture both the genuine rage and nihilistic humor of the band, with the exception of the competent cover of The Essentials' (of Fort Lauderdale) "Turn Off Your Radio." All the other songs are about how the band wants to kill you. They are basically up-tempo double-guitar punk with lots of yelling. There is some interesting art-guitar noodling in 'Hatred Through Beer' too, thanks to Kevin Regan.

Addressing the dreadful emergence of emo in the 1990s, Mr. Chicken in the title track announces "Some of you punk rockers are pathetic, man/to me its just a different name/
emo-core my fucking ass/you're all hippies just the same."

The schtick of this band was inspiring in its absurdity. They took their name from two incongruent sources: the defunct West Palm Beach band 'F' -- of which there were no overlapping members -- and the John Birch Society, an anti-communist organization prominent in the 1960s and known for its embrace of right wing conspiracy theories. This was convenient, as both F and the JBS had stickers, pins and other paraphernalia that could be recycled for the new band.

Emo-punks were not their only target. Inexplicably, the band was invited to perform in a benefit for the National Organization for Women, which was attended not only by college students but a battalion of elderly battleaxes from town. F (or JBS, no one short name ever stuck) wrote a song for the event ("This Song Will Not Cure AIDS," unfortunately not on this record) and after performing it, Bob Chicken pulled down his pants, poured rubbing alcohol on his genitals and lit them afire. The organizer cried as Bob was surrounded by angry women. The event was ruined.

The band was, and the record is, great.

THE FANS – Middle Class Blues / Day In Day Out 7”

Fave Records – from parts unknown in Florida (1980)

B. Ronco
Malcolm Zane
Andrew Berlin?
Billy DeMoya?
Bill Singletary?

Prior to being the Fans, these folks were known as Freestone (of Bummer Bitch fame). Like many punk bands of the late 70’s, they were in reality a bunch of crazed hippies. For some reason, they moved to Florida from California, switched to power pop and became the Fans. From my research, I could not determine what part of the state they inhabited – I’d guess Tampa area. Central Florida seemed to do better with this kind of thing than South Florida. The record is good, solid, well-recorded power pop and sounds nothing at all like Bummer Bitch. Middle Class Blues suffers a little due to its clunky title, but is memorable and has some blazing guitars. “Day In Day Out” is kind of like the 7th best song on any given Big Star record (not a bad thing at all).

FLOOR / ED MATUS’ STRUGGLE split 7”

No Idea / Space Cadette Records – Miami (1996)

EMS – Hovering
Floor – Figure it Out

Floor – Jeff Sousa, Steve Brooks, Anthony Vialon
EMS – Juan Montoya, Scott Nixon, Carl Ferrari, Robert Lacusay

One could look at this record as a “first date” of the band Torche. Juan and Steve would start that band several years later. The packaging is over the top – you get white vinyl, several insect pictures on fancy paper, and a piece of screening (to keep the bugs away from the record???) I think I’ve seen a less elaborate version of this record too. Both bands are at their best here. “Hovering” starts out more direct than the average Ed Matus’ Struggle song and doesn’t become ponderous until the end. “Figure it Out” is one of Floor’s finest songs – which also gets ponderous at the end – but ponderous in a metal way. Kinda like Torche.

FROSTY – Drive Thru Lover / Get my Rocks Off 7”

Menlo Park Records – Miami Beach (1997)

Andres – drums, keyboards
Syd - bass
Lisa - guitar
Lance – vocals, keyboard

A conventional (given one side was recorded by Tom Smith, the other by Bill Orcutt), but extremely trashy record, with a back cover that would surely bring any N.A. meeting to a sordid end. I only got a chance to see them once or twice at Churchills. Their shtik was to be totally gay, obnoxious, noisy and devoted to drugs. Drive Thru Lover, the better song of the two, concerns a sexual experience with the cashier while buying burgers at the local McDonald’s/Checkers/whatever. Over the top vocals and under the basement production make this a winner. They continued on to make a split 7” with Harry Pussy and a seldom-seen cd, also on Menlo Park. This is the one to get.

FUCKBOYZ – Rock’n’Roll Problem EP

Truth about Fonzie Records – Pembroke Pines (1991)

Seaweed – Vocals
Matty Luv – Guitar
Scooter – Bass
Aesop – Drums

Rock’n’roll Problem
Hallucinating
Full of Sin (like Glenn Danzig is)

The second release by the Fuckboyz (a.k.a. F-Boys) is only partially a Florida record. This was released after their exodus to San Francisco and has songs recorded in both Miami and S.F. The Fuckboyz almost single-handedly kept the pilot light on for Florida punk in the late 80’s. There wasn’t much else out there – a F-Boys show was a guarantee of a good time. That said, this is not their best record – Hallucinating grates on the nerves, Full of Sin is the best song- but a faux Misfits song nonetheless & R’n’R problem runs a little too long for it’s own good. A cd compiling this and other records is highly recommended, as are all releases by Hickey, which featured all the Fuckboyz except Seaweed (their lp-side long rock opera and their unauthorized split with Voodoo Glow Skulls are especially ridiculous).