GODS DICK – Shitlife 7” EP

No Label – Boca Raton – 2009

Last Knife

Phud Hong

God$ Dick

Shitlife

Mid-knife Crisis

One Knife to Live

Amos White – guitar, vocals

Micah Grahat – bass, vocals

Mike Pineyro – drums, vocals

I can’t imagine a sane person, viewing this for the first time, feeling it’s worth their $5.00 ($5.00 is really $5.00 again!!!). Gods Dick is a terrible name for a band – I’m almost offended and I’m a heathen. The cover’s gaudy and ridiculous and ultimately pretty fukkin’ sad (but sealed the deal nonetheless) – and then there’s the song titles. I was pretty sure this was going to be a piece of shit in one fashion or another. One listen and I started to wonder if these guys were complete retards or perhaps………… students of Faxed Head. A quick check of Myspace confirmed it. Gods Dick are brilliant enough to be retards! You get proggy, punky metal with grunting vocals and slightly nihilistic overtones that had me rolling on the floor. But – I’m laughing with them, not at them. Easily the best $5.00 non-alcoholic purchase I’ve made this year. I am proud to be a Floridian once again.

GUS – Get Well Soon 7”EP

702 Records – Miami Beach (1995)

Get Well Soon

Unsober

10 Point Pedestrian

Ron

Drew

Mike

Same muscular, Chicago-esque rockish punk as their first record – great sound! Songs aren’t as memorable though. 10 Point Pedestrian sounds almost like a less-unhinged Load. Nice bass. Too bad these guys never put out an LP – besides the two 7”es, they only put out a split single with a Gus from that country North of us (that I need to track down) and a cassette that I would listen to if I could. The government needs to convert all cassettes to cd and then forcibly crush them all into pavement, park benches or some other useful item.

GHOST AQUARIUM – Light Cannot Escape /Spiritual Cramp 7”

Ripping Records – Orlando (2006)

Ron K – guitar, bass, vocals

Mike Q – drums

Doesn’t sound as spooky as the cover would have you believe. Songs are well played and interesting – just too fast to be spooky. The A-side reminds me of a less friendly (or less stoned) Dinosaur Jr. B-side is a little more distorted and a Christian Death cover. I’m not sure if the Ghost Aquarium is a real band (playing guitar and bass at the same time would be tough for Ron K) or more of a Runnamucks Halloween party. It’s good – track it down & get it.

INCESTIVAL -- 7" compilation EP

KISS OF DEATH RECORDS -- Orlando (2008)

Four bands: New Mexican Disaster Squad, Polluted Youth, Gatorface, Virgins

Personnel:
Sam Johnson -- NMDS, Virgins
Alex Goldfarb -- NMDS, Gatorface
Eric Pitman -- Virgins, Polluted Youth
Rob Ferry -- Polluted Youth
Richard Minino -- NMDS, Gatorface
Nick Allam -- Polluted Youth, Gatorface
Bryan Quilty -- Gatorface
Phil Longo -- Virgins
Brian Wayne Etherington -- NMDS

Songs:
NMDS -- Yesterday's Faults
Polluted Youth -- Carcinogents
Gatorface -- Risky Business
Virgins -- Our Words

The personnel list above explains the title of this solid compilation of related Orlando bands. All of this stuff is straightforward, fairly quick punk rock. Side one is a little rougher, side two more melodic, but don't fret this stuff never gets too rough or too melodic. If I had to pick a standout, I'd probably point to Gatorface. But there's no call to be picky here. Play it all the way through.

GAY COWBOYS IN BONDAGE -- Owen Marshmallow Strikes Again

SUBLAPSE -- Fort Lauderdale (1984)

Big Fat Baloney Sandwich
Crime & Violence
The Illness Song
More Bruises
Funny Red Mustache of Kool-Aid
Fist May Follow

Eddie -- Bass
Pete Moss -- Guitar
Ravenous Gangrene -- drums
Milo -- vocals

This is a silly record by a very silly band. For a time in the heart of the hardcore period of the early '80s, Florida was known for producing joke punk bands. Most were so dismissive of the punk genre and self-deprecating that their very existence was a contradiction. GCIB approached this, but due to some good songwriting, a couple of actual musicians and a frenetic and inspiring (yet, let's face it, pretty goddamn silly) frontman, they instead are remembered rightly as a solid South Florida punk band. And they are remembered: just last weekend (July 2009) I heard a Lake Worth band -- Asspiss -- cover 'Big Fat Baloney Sandwich.'

GCIB was often associated with the somewhat more straightforward hardcore band F, with whom they hung out with and shared three members (albeit not simultaneously). The observant will notice the cartoon artwork on this EP matches that of the Reagan cartoons in F's 'You are an EP' record, thanks to Eddie Nothing. All the Cowboys yukked it up in live shows, but it was Milo who was the star, known both for his cartoonish leaping and pushing his glasses backup his nose during performances.

All of these songs are good, catchy, quick punk rock. It may sound a little thin for tough guys, but you can be sure the Gay Cowboys didn't care about macho punk posturing. That was the whole point.

GARGIRLS/DRUG CZARS split 7"

DESTROY RECORDS -- Ft. Lauderdale (1997)

GARGIRLS: I'll Stab You!

Stripteaser

Wine Nights

Trish -- drums

Terra -- bass

Lisa -- guitar

Monica -- vocals

Noisy anti-stylish dirges with female vocals, generally shouted. Wine nights! Two other South Florida all-girl bands sprung out of this one, Fraulein and Angry Pudding. You can hear elements of both in these songs. Wine nights!

DRUG CZARS: Lets' Go Satan

Let's Go Satan

Someday I'll Crush Them All Like Bugs

Michael O'Brien -- guitar, vocal

Chris Cottie -- drums, vocal

Jeff Hodapp -- guitar

Buddha -- bass

Two ex-members of the Eat fronted and backed this band and there was a former Roach Motel member playing cranky noise guitar somewhere in the middle. This record sounds nothing like either band, though. Oh, maybe "Someday" could have been an Eat song, but it wouldn't have sound dense and heavy like this. There is lots of picking and skranking, so you have to play it really loud to get the full effect. I don't believe these guys were ever employed by the Justice Department in spite of their name.

THE GROANS -- What to Wear? 7"

LEASH DOG RECORDS -- Orlando (1994)

Happy Birthday 21

Politics of Losing

Nick K -- vocals, guitars

John Guidry -- drums

Ron Trenchmouth -- bass, perc

Darrel Whore -- guitar

This is a poor man's Dream Syndicate with the guy singing, lazy junky music with half-spoke, half-sung vocals, some decent guitarwork, all compressed in the frequency range of the Velvet Underground but without any artistic aspirations. Not bad. "It's a drag growing old," he says.

GRAIN -- Roadkill 7"

Goldentone Records -- Gainesville (1995?)

Roadkill

Edie

Rob Dark -- bass

Rob Harris -- guitar and vocal

Rob McGregor -- guitar and vocal

Eddie Sanchez -- drums

Some bands are great live but fail to successfully document how good they were on vinyl. Grain is the opposite. They were a competent rather than a great live band, but fortunately they captured their best song on vinyl while it was fresh. 'Roadkill' is that song.

Much of Grain's stuff was fairly laid-back, some almost countrified. You can here this on the B-side. But on Roadkill, they nailed this stair-stepping chord progession that encourages head-banging without a wisp of metal anywhere in the track.

GROSS NATIONAL PRODUCT -- Ronald McVomit's 14-Song Happy Meal

Bacon Towne Records -- Tallevast (2006)

Plastic Surgery

FICA

And Waffles for All!

Iraqiccino

Taco Bells in Mexico

Dumb it Down

Fears

Weather the Storm

Steal From Walmart

Ronald McVomit

God is an A-Hole

We're Everywhere

You Want to Be

Rent-a-Cop

DIY/MIA

Marley DeCosta - vocal

Scott Bentz - drums

Adam Dabrowski - guitar

Bob Suren - bass

This record is appalling. I don't mean this as a criticism. This is a genuine hardcore punk (not heavy metal) record with shouted female vocals and lots of songs and lyrics -- all furious, self-righteous, vile, funny, inept, clever, juvenile and brief. This is pure and free of any self-editing. I can imagine this band emerging, playing two shows, recording this record and disappearing. Throwaway punk of a high order.

It is not art, but in spite of that there are flashes of Melt Banana energy and vocal style here. (Am I suggesting Melt Banana is art?) There is a little Crass in some of the songs too, at least in attitude. Maybe I'm stretching, but in any case these teenagers (a guess, probably correct except for the bass player) clearly listen to a lot of 1980s hardcore.

A coloring book is included that I do not recommend sharing with your children. The crucifixion of Mickey Mouse is perhaps the highlight, but with the right choice of crayons the Ronald McDonald vomiting on children drawing would be a nice addition to your refrigerator door.

GUS – Less Than / Her Backyard 7”

Dirge Records – Pompano Beach (1994)

Drew – guitar, vocals
Ron – bass
Craig – drums

Trio falls somewhere between Naked Raygun and Gainesville’s Doldrums musically. Not a bad place to be. Lyrically they’re at least as earnest and serious as the Doldrums, more so than NR. Both songs are excellent – “Less Than” is especially powerful. This is their first single, with a demo tape that was semi-distributed prior to this. Record’s sleeve is printed on recycled paper with soy-based ink and depicts an oppressed species. Thankfully, my copy has not biodegraded yet.