HELLO SHITTY PEOPLE - EP

This Here Records – Gainesville – 2000(?)

Marketable Melancholy

Dos Gatos
Figure Skator
Punctual Posse
I Kill Butterflies
Deadly Retribution III

Timmy Put – bass and or vocals

Wolski – drums, feathers
Michael Collins – guitar, vocals, liberty
Cinque – breasts and belly

A representative example of the region-rock phenomenon (basically a bunch of drunks who also rock – and leave a trail of empty beer cans stretching from Miami to Chattanooga with stops in Gainesville and other mostly-Southern cities. Songs are mid tempo to fast with gruff vocals, workmanlike musicianship with zero pretentiousness. Actually, pretentiousness in the rock arena can be a good thing – and if I remember correctly, their LP features a side-long ukulele “jam” and was a little more engaging….though – great name and inspired cover! I wondered who drank Busch, now I know it was bats all along.

 

THE BELTONES – Shitty In Pink / Nobody to Love 7”

Radio Records – Gainesville (2000)??

Bill McFadden – guitar, vocals

Bob – guitar

Willy – drums

Mike – bass

This is the fourth (last?) Beltones single, released after their relocation to Gainesville from South Florida. Although the entire original band relocated to Gainesville, they had all been replaced (except Bill) by the time of this record – after various altercations. Following this record, the Beltones relocated to Austin and may or may not still exist. The cover girl certainly looks like trouble – and one can get a limited edition version with McFadden’s head superimposed on her body – but I’m happy with the one I have. Yikes!

The record, of course, is very good – more of what you’ve grown to expect from the Beltones – scabs or not. Nobody to Love is especially wonderful and was written by renowned Irish person, Shane MacGowan.

News Flash - From a confidential, but indisputable source, Rob Sessions (original Beltone) did play guitar on this record and did not bail out until later. I thought that guy in the dress looked familiar.

CUTMAN -- Big Deal 7"

TEAM SCIENCE RECORDS -- Gainesville (2009)

The Itch
Bulldozer Blues

Jonathan Hamilton
Ryan McGrath
Derron Nuhfer
Jason Rockbill

This is one of two simultaneously (or nearly so) released singles that are also available on a single CD. Pretty damn nice heavy cardboard packaging; reminds me of a Rapeman single I have somewhere. Wait a minute...Cutman...Rapeman... No, it has to be coincidence. But then again, I saw this band the other night at the Social in Orlando and didn't I hear a Rapeman song played between Awesome and the Ass-Kickers and these Cutman folks?

I did, but this band does NOT sound like Rapeman. I am confusing things. This is tightly controlled emotive heavy song-driven rock-punk sung by a big guy with low sorta gutteral voice. It is not exactly slow, but these songs aren't going to win any Land Speed Records. And no, it's not cold or angular and there's no synthetic drums or anything.

The B-side could only be written by a Gainesville band as it about land use planning, but not so much from the point of view of anarchists but of urban planners. Bikelanes, property values, widening crosswalks, etc. No Miami (or Chicago) band would write a song like this.

The first two lines of the record: "All your heroes may die in plane crashes/but all my friends will die in their vans."

ROACH MOTEL -- What the Hell, It's 7" EP

DESTROY RECORDS -- Gainesville/Fort Lauderdale (1984)

Brooke Shields Must Die
Frenzy
Nothing to Lose
What If Your Mom Liked Drugs?
Chowburger
I Wanna Keep My Gun

Bob Fetz -- vocals
Jeff Hodapp -- guitar
Frank Mullin
Russ Avery -- bass (and embezzlement)

The sophomore effort by the Black-Flag-and-Budweiser fueled Roach Motel starts out with a punk anthem, 'Brooke Shields Must Die,' that is worthy of anything on the first record. Shields, by the way, was a prepubescent movie star that I imagine is long forgotten, although she's apparently still alive. The only role of hers I can recall is the promo line that opens the first 'Rodney on the ROQ' LA punk comp. Oh, forget about Brooke Shields already. Brooke Shields must DIE!

Back to Roach Motel. This is a solid followup to 'Roach and Roll' and doesn't deviate much from the established RM hardcore punk formula. The new addition to the band, Russ Avery, contributes two great songs and apparently ripped off and bankrupted the band as well. But 'What if Your Mom Liked Drugs' (written with Hodapp) and 'I Wanna Keep My Gun' are worth something, which should somehow be (or have been) taken into account in the final settlement. 'Frenzy' and 'Nothing to Lose' are great too. Fine record.

News flash - Sources report, after viewing a My Name is Earl-a-thon, Mr. Avery recently returned all missbegotten monies and was readmitted to the Punk Rock League of Gentlemen.

OVARYDOSE – Growth / Shame, It’s All the Same 7”

Goldentone Records – Gainesville (1994)

Jen Rollins – vocals
Liz Lizard – guitar
Deb Ramone – guitar
Becky Butler – bass
Megan Oxley – drums

Slow, grungy, somewhat unpleasant, menstrual-themed record on deep red vinyl!!!Deb Ramone was a member of Gainesville stalwart punk band - the Mutley Chix. There’s definitely a bitchy complaining angry feel to this record and the songs never speed up much faster than your average Melvins dirge. That’s right- all the beer cans on the front cover are not half full –they are empty and crumpled. Luckily, I like this kind of thing.

THE JEFFERSONS -- Operation: Get Castro's Permission 7"

CHERRY SMASH RECORDS -- Gainesville (1993)

Radon

Salami (Ceiling Fan)

She's No Moon Maiden

Andy Costello -- drums

Brian Doherty -- bass, vocals

Ivan Osorio -- guitar, vocal on 'Salami'

Kevin Regan -- lead guitar

Thomas D. Walls -- defense of the old republic

This is a star-studded record from a beloved Gainesville band, and I recognize not many punk bands can or at least should be referred to that way. But this is definitely an indie-rock-leaning slab of "officially certified punk rock," as it described on the cover.

The song 'Radon' is sweet -- seemingly nostalgic in advance for events of the present moment -- and supplied the name for another Gainesville band. 'Salami' is hilarious and rocks as well. The B-side reaches for the 'Radon' effect but falls short and is likely doomed to lie face down on many turntables.

Ivan and Kevin ended up in 'F, the Band Formerly Known as the John Birch Society' after the Jeffersons. Ivan also played in Lethal Yellow in Miami in the early 1980s, Sick Dick and the Volswagons later in the 1990s and today is editorial editor at the Competitive Enterprise Institute in Washington DC. Brian Doherty, who released other Gainesville bands on Cherry Smash, is associate editor of Reason Magazine and author of several books including "Radicals for Capitalism: A Freewheeling History of the American Libertarian movement."

There are hints of this nascent intellectualism hidden all over the record, but the band is not without common sense: "Never slice a salami with a ceiling fan, you know that it could prove quite dangerous..."

FROG -- Untitled 7"

Self-released -- Gainesville (1992?)

There are no song titles on this record because there are no songs, and no personnel listed because there are no personnel. It is just Frog with his scraping, squeals and hisses. I don't know how he made these mostly unrecognizable noises, I guess it something you learn how to do at UF's art school. Forget I mentioned it.

F, THE BAND FORMERLY KNOWN AS THE JOHN BIRCH SOCIETY

Turd Records -- Gainesville (1995)

Die You Stupid Hippies
I Want to Kill You
Turn Off Your Radio
Hatred Through Beer

Bob B.Q. Chicken - vocals
Ivan Absurdio -- guitar, vocals
Kevin Regan -- guitar
Tim Leigh -- bass
Vic Random -- drums

This band is on my short list of favorite Florida bands ever. F,TBFKATJBS (yes, this is the official acronym) grew out of the Doldrums and the Jeffersons, with Bob Chicken (former Generic Death and Fonzie's Nephews) up front.

The songs on this record capture both the genuine rage and nihilistic humor of the band, with the exception of the competent cover of The Essentials' (of Fort Lauderdale) "Turn Off Your Radio." All the other songs are about how the band wants to kill you. They are basically up-tempo double-guitar punk with lots of yelling. There is some interesting art-guitar noodling in 'Hatred Through Beer' too, thanks to Kevin Regan.

Addressing the dreadful emergence of emo in the 1990s, Mr. Chicken in the title track announces "Some of you punk rockers are pathetic, man/to me its just a different name/
emo-core my fucking ass/you're all hippies just the same."

The schtick of this band was inspiring in its absurdity. They took their name from two incongruent sources: the defunct West Palm Beach band 'F' -- of which there were no overlapping members -- and the John Birch Society, an anti-communist organization prominent in the 1960s and known for its embrace of right wing conspiracy theories. This was convenient, as both F and the JBS had stickers, pins and other paraphernalia that could be recycled for the new band.

Emo-punks were not their only target. Inexplicably, the band was invited to perform in a benefit for the National Organization for Women, which was attended not only by college students but a battalion of elderly battleaxes from town. F (or JBS, no one short name ever stuck) wrote a song for the event ("This Song Will Not Cure AIDS," unfortunately not on this record) and after performing it, Bob Chicken pulled down his pants, poured rubbing alcohol on his genitals and lit them afire. The organizer cried as Bob was surrounded by angry women. The event was ruined.

The band was, and the record is, great.

GRAIN -- Roadkill 7"

Goldentone Records -- Gainesville (1995?)

Roadkill

Edie

Rob Dark -- bass

Rob Harris -- guitar and vocal

Rob McGregor -- guitar and vocal

Eddie Sanchez -- drums

Some bands are great live but fail to successfully document how good they were on vinyl. Grain is the opposite. They were a competent rather than a great live band, but fortunately they captured their best song on vinyl while it was fresh. 'Roadkill' is that song.

Much of Grain's stuff was fairly laid-back, some almost countrified. You can here this on the B-side. But on Roadkill, they nailed this stair-stepping chord progession that encourages head-banging without a wisp of metal anywhere in the track.

DOLDRUMS -- No Idea EP

No Idea Records -- Gainesville (1988)

Believe

Stabilizer

Conquer the Fear

A Place to Hang Your Head

Pete Brightman - vocal

Russ Johnson -- guitar

Victor Wilkinson -- drums

Greg Pierce -- bass

No Idea Records started as a punk rock fanzine in Gainesville and in their sixth issue, in 1986, they started including 7" records with each issue. The first of these was this one by the Doldrums, a band that included some of the most solid Gainesville punks and musicians of that time. Live, this band was monstrous, with a tight powerful sound and threatening and deranged frontman Peter Brightman.

Unfortunately, this doesn't entirely translate onto vinyl. Don't get me wrong; this is a fine disk, with 'Believe' and 'Stabilizer' as standouts. In the faster cuts, you can hear something like the early 1980s hardcore band Scream, and indeed Scream did play Gainesville a couple of times around then.

But recall also in the late 1980s a lot of good punk bands started experimenting with metal -- and promptly ceased to be good punk bands. There is some crossover influence here, no doubt.

RADON 4-song EP

NO IDEA -- 1992, Gainesville

Bill Clower -- drums

Dave Rohm -- guitar, vocal

Brent Wilson -- guitar, vocal

Radon

Welcome Home

Exhaustra

Facial Disobedience

This record challenges two of your most deeply held assumptions: 1) All pop-punk sucks and 2) All No Idea releases suck.

On the first point, you may argue this is a bit too raw to be called pop-punk, but by 1992 standards it did earn that label. Besides, this record is so catchy, its ridiculous. The chorus of the song 'Radon' compels singing along, even some la-da-da-das, so you might want to listen to it while you're alone to avoid embarrassment.

The record offers some surprising lyrical insights, such as "you will crawl on your belly and you will eat dirt all the days of your life, and so will I, la-da-da-da." They are so right.

Your second point doesn't deserve an answer. This is a fine record and you should apologize for getting drunk and mouthing off about people who are trying their best.