F – Mess You Up 7” EP

SuperSeven Records – West Palm Beach (1988)

John Galt – vocals

US Ken Decter – guitar

Eddie Nothing – bass

Pete Moss – drums

Shoot It Down

My Girl Has Balls

Clock Strikes Ten

Crack His Skull

White Xmas

These wacky bastards searched high & low for the worst label they could find and found it in the Mystic Family of labels. The record has logos on it for Mystic Records, SuperSeven Records, Thrash Records, Doug Moody Productions, Bootleg Records and Ghetto-Way Records. Kind of like a punk rock General Motors. Shoot It Down is F’s best song that’s not on You’re an EP – great big rock guitars and the way Mr. Galt sings “he’d like to do something right one day, but he won’t….he just can’t” is perfect. Given their reputation as pranksters, I will assume that My Girl has Balls is a work of fiction. Clock Strikes Ten is somewhat sped up and very well executed, but not different enough from Cheap Trick’s original version to be completely necessary. Crack His Skull means well, but doesn’t rise to A-list F. White X-mas is pretty fukkin cool, from the Tiny Tim intro (real Tiny Tim? – I dunno), to the fairly standard punk rock treatment of the carol (strangely also covered by Stevie Stilleto) to the unexpected petal steel guitar and electric guitar solos at the end – it works! And they remember to leave Christ out of X-mas! The true spirit of Florida punk rock, for better or worse, all rolled into one record.

SHEER SMEGMA -- Audio Suicide 7" EP

FARTFACED DECADENCE RECORDS -- West Palm Beach (1980)

Clubnite
Alophen Baby
I Wanna Be a Man
I Owe it to the Girls

Cookie Mold -- vocals
Fish -- bass
Spam Ax-- guitar
Joesaphine Dupont -- drums

There were a number of excellent early punk rock bands in Florida, like The Eat, Charlie Pickett, the Reactions, etc. But there was a traditional sound to each of these that seemed to emphasize the 'rock' in punk rock. Sheer Smegma? Not so much.

This record is casually inept and at times disgusting (see: Alophen Baby). It is also sheer bloody poetry. Check this out: "I gave you quaaludes/I held your cock/we spoke in dipthongs/clubnite." The two songs by Fish ('Clubnite' and 'I Owe it to the Girls') can be enjoyed more than once. The other two must be heard, though. Cookie was a mad genius, queen of uncontrollable vileness and unhealthy habits.

The band self-destructed fairly quickly and, in fact, today Cookie claims to be dead and won't even acknowledge her own existence, let alone her band's. But prior to her demise Jello Biafra's Alternative Tenacles rescued this record from obscurity by reissuing it as a 12" under the name "Teddy and the Frat Boys" and now it sits in punk record collections across the globe. It should be in yours as well.

DIE STINKIN' -- H.M.F.U. 7" EP

Diestinkin@hotmail.com -- West Palm Beach (2004)

Baby, I Love Dope
Hey Man Fuck You
Can't Shake it Loose
Dropout

John - Guitar, vocal
Brian - drums, vocal
Eric - bass

This band has been around, more or less, since 1985 and even on this self release they still don't pretend to have a record label. This is indicative of this unpretentious, fun punk band. When they snarl that they don't care, believe it.

It's probably all the cannabis. The first and best song on this EP is the live crowd favorite 'Baby, I Love Dope,' which captures the band's live-free-and-die credo nearly as well as their earlier classics 'Kids Keep Smoking Pot' and 'Beer' from their 'Smell is in the Air' full-length. There are no songs here about global warming or abolishing the Federal Reserve. All four on this EP are quick, memorable.

The two founding members of the group, on guitar and drums, are veteran Palm Beach County lifeguards and there is a beach feel to some of their songs, but this is not overwhelming. The music is upbeat punk rock with clear, clever, humorous lyrics. The addition of Eric Ridgemont on bass in the early '00s added new comic energy to this already highly energetic trio (sometimes a quartet). For an example, see here.

BOOTLEG BILL - Welcome to Florida

Double Cross Records -- West Palm Beach (1996)

Welcome to Florida
Ian Rotten's Revenge

Bill - Vocals, bass, all guitars
Boomer - drums

You are not allowed to like this and I don't want to get you in trouble with your corporate boss or your liberal girlfriend. Still, I have taken on the responsibility of reviewing Florida records and this record is about as Floridian as it gets. So here goes...

The A-side starts out slow with the words, "Welcome to Florida, now fucking leave" and picks up tempo into the chorus ("Shoot 'em on sight/If they ain't white") and particularly into the rave-up climax ("Miami Beach is a foreign land...Cubans go home! Haitians go home!). This is much like Skrewdriver in sound, vocals and lyrical content. It's also embarrassingly catchy like early Skrewdriver: primitive, ignorant and heartfelt, devoid of irony.

Musically, the B-side is in a similar vein. I think it is about professional wrestling. It is a celebration of violence in any case.

If you find a copy of this extremely limited self-release, you have an eagle eye. Buy it. Hide it. Enjoy it at your own risk.

"Will the last American to leave Florida, please bring the flag!"